A Strider and the Louds
by papern00b451
Summary: As a new neighbor moved next to the Loud residents. A cool kid will show up to their doorsteps and will rock the Loud Family upside-down. As self-proclaimed irony ensue, finding his nerdy friend to complain about, and befriending a Loud jock who wants to be an Otaku Hipster Ninja just like him. What could go wrong with this cool kid and his daredevil jock buddy?
1. Chapter 1: The new kid

**So…I watch Loud House. I might say, it's pretty damn good show I've seen so far. Thinking about that girl Lynn made me think about Dave Strider. So I might as well make another Homestuck Fanfic crossover. By which, Dave is going to meet up with his buddy John at Washington state. Also, I think this will be an AU where Sburb didn't exist as it'll be more complicated.**

 **Yeah…The Loud family is going to meet up with some rad dudes until one particular Loud is fond with a one particular cool kid and his Bro. So time for ironic bullshit and the sporty Loud having some damn fun over there.**

* * *

Chapter 1: Hey…who's this Cool Kid?

* * *

Ah…the sweet smell of air. The birds chirping, the flowers are blooming, and you know what else is good in this fine day like this I'm having?

Not going to hell that's for sure. It's SPORTS of what I'm talking about that makes me feel so freaking pump-out with iron and crap loads of adrenaline coursing through my veins! Only thing I wish I can do is to move like a freaking ninja that the naked human eye cannot see at all!

"Heads up Lincoln, the ball is coming at you!" Crying out of my war cry, my feet are between the soccer ball and my bro Lincoln near at the goal basket! When I kicked the ball, it means it is game time here and I hope he reacts fast enough from this!

My brown-auburn hair flowing through the speedy winds like Zeus is angry at me for some more mad Olympian challenges to earn and my sweat touches the sweet fabric of my awesome athletic attire from school with a big red Number One on the center of my chest! Telling people that I am indeed a winner here and I'll take your trophies from your competitions!

Kicking the soccer ball with an intense speed like a tiger chasing off to its delicious prey, by which the delicious prey I'm having is my bro who's shaking like crazy. Where I'm going to predict he's going to flinch like a pussy when a soccer ball is about to hit his manhood and not going to catch it at all! You gotta' be better than that Lincoln and you need to get some good reflexes to catch that darn ball if you want to improve yourself in P.E because I heard you failed again in P.E! I mean freaking P.E which is my favorite class I ever had!

"O-oh nonononon-no, sweet no!" As I predicted, Lincoln who's not wearing his sporty attire and only wears his casual clothing like his boring, lame orange shirt, his pants, and nothing else so athletic about him, starting to close his eyes and starting to cover his crotch...which I'm very disappointed. If he's covering his nuts, that means he's not properly participating in this sport we're in!

The ball then whizzes passed him where the wind left a mark on my bro as his hair got blown backwards, his clothes flopping really crazy and the ball hits the net. You know what that means. I won…which Lincoln did nothing or put any effort on stopping the soccer ball going through the net for the six hundred times already!

Looking down at my white-haired brother who's lying on the grass of our backyard and moaning to himself of his daily usual, ineptitude in sports…you know, I wish I meet up with a boy who has a lot of guts and who is challenging enough to suit my interest to have any sense of competition with him. The rest of the boys I know back at school and in the neighborhood aren't really challenging at all! Being all prissy and nerdy like my bro right here, talking about their boring comics, about their boring, prissy girlfriends as they're not talking about the important game! Some of them try to hit on me which I have no interesting on dating them since I always owned them in sports. Some tried to get a little rough on me and try to forcefully kiss me for no reason. In which in return…I wonder, where are their balls went? In the hospital you say? What joy of kicking some balls here and there along hearing some desperate nerds yelling in glory for me! In which I hit the goal and scored some points with some of my fans yelling at me in joy!

I mean come on! At least I want to meet up with a dude who's really cool and hard to surpass his physical prowess that would be a challenge like he's in the air right now and riding on a cool hover board which that wouldn't likely to ever happen on whatsoever-

 ***VROOOOoooom!*** Wait a second…

Looking above me when I heard a deafening screech like a jet went off and my hair is moving like crazy by the sudden strong winds I felt blowing through my freckled face. I look up to see a pair of dudes riding on a single red, flaming hover board that looks so rad as heck to ride and I saw this weird…puppet thing that's tangling on the edge of the board that Luan would probably use to do her obsession with creepy ass puppets. Creepy ass puppets where no man should see it at all.

It's pretty hard to describe them since they're near to the rear of the sun and I only got a shadowy glimpse of them of who they are. I wonder who those people are and for that…I'm quite curious of what they're heading to? You know, I want to go in an adventure to find out why they're here and let's not forget about my brother Lincoln following behind to see our new guests here in our neighborhood! Besides, he needs to jog once for a while to keep him fit in tip top shape.

"Come on Lincoln! Let's go find out who those guys are!" Yelling at my brother to get up and get his ass off from the ground since he just almost passed out-…oh. Yeah, I need to wake him up first and I know a good method to wake him up which is tackling him!

* * *

[Somewhere nearby in the neighborhood…]

You are now the Cool Kid and the coolest one out of cool people. You saw the many ironies of what your Bro is doing and you told your Bro un-ironically that you want to meet up with your buddy Egbert who is living in a state called Washington which is the birth place where the first American president ascended from. Your Bro brought you here as you are suffering from pent up sexual frustration and that you need to fiercely make out with your pan pal buddy John with such heinous acts. In which that you might turn into a creepy ass bird furry and for being a twisted ass creepypasta character that no man should see you at all of being a biggest, disgusting bird furry in your life. In addition to your medical symptoms of your disease riddled body of that urge, you need some daily doses of smuppets to release your erotic urges and probably freak the fuck out from them if it truly cures your fears.

Feeling you should drop some beats here and there along being sexual attracted to your Bro's puppets that you _love_ them so damn much and hiding some really shitty swords that your bro gave you while keeping his badass sword to himself as he ironically beats you in every strife. So you might as well be the Cool Kid once for a while. So, who's this insufferable douche-I mean Cool Kid is doing?

* * *

[Be the Cool Kid]

Sup, the name's Dave Strider. I think my name is Dave since that's what my Bro always calls me by all the time for no fucking reason. What next? Telling you to stop reading this bullshit fan-fiction and then later I will tell you some retarded story that I'm secretly a demigod which is extremely improbable? Yeah, that's what would a sane person would think about it. So before I get off-track, what the hell I was thinking again? About something to do with moving here and doing the coming of age ritual where Bro tries to initiate his _'rite of passage'_ shit?

Oh yeah...I remember now, I was touching my Bro's soft rumpus area while riding on this sack of shit board. When I said I want to meet up with my nerdy frustrated friend that he kept being trolled on his computer like what…five years for now? I want to meet up my buddy John un-ironically; but Bro decided we should move to Washington for shits and giggles to fuck with me.

We're already here in two fucking hours while our goddamn truck that holds our stuff will be here in five fucking days. Five fucking days since we just got here with my Bro's piece of shit board and his cool Lil Cal-which I'm really cool with him! Honestly! I'm really cool with Lil Cal-and I'm not panicking here when I'm near him. His sexy puppet face is not unattractive to me and not at all, you know what I'm saying. You know I'm not flipping the fuck out from this puppet I'm seeing, not at all Dave…not at all. His blue shirt with his name on it and a magnificent skull like face to stare at it while he smiles at me.

My blondish fucking white hair is being humped by the air in backward position style and my sweet Shades that is the child of Ben Stiller hugging my face like it's aroused to be sticking on my eyeballs. My hands are touching my Bro's fine ass while he's being chill as hell here that I'm grabbing his soft, smuppet ass butt cheeks so I wouldn't free falling the fuck out of this board like a bird who forgot to know how to fly that gotten retarded out of nowhere.

So pretty much I'm moving here to do Bro being a complete jackass once more and trying to mentally fuck with me of his ironic mind games which would probably scarred normal people for life of his bullshitery antics that no one should deal with. Since we move out of Texas to this piece of shit State with a jet board that took us here in just two hours, I immediately begin to regret of talking to my Bro about it and we might lose our shitty Texas accent ya' which is nonexistent if it's ya yella belly Yankee bullcrap.

I just want to meet up with fucking John personally, not to move out here that this is jamming with zero shit taste of coolness where it's filled with Republican, Democratic propaganda that I want to fuck some donkeys or elephants to get my sexy ass vote to steal my dignity. You know, showering me with their arousing euphemism to appeal PC votes that everyone is so fucking offended about it. Politicians and the system to make us go full-on retarded here since people can't think shit for themselves.

Anyways as my deep self-hatred and the wickedry fuckery ass ride I had in my Bro's hover piece of shit is done. Here is our house we got…a really shitty house I say. It's like the Inside-Out movie without some fucking gremlins controlling my brain. You know, the selfish, self-entitled girl name Riley who's complaining about San Francisco which is the coolest place to be in than this boring ass state I'm in. The house I saw before me is perfectly, recently build in two weeks ago that my Bro ordered. The glass windows are fine, polished, and new. It has three floors which the top floor has an attic to shove piles of worthless shit that we don't need including the basement downstairs of what I've heard from my Bro's bitching. This house is really fucking big since I don't know where the fuck Bro gets his money from-oh wait, ironic smuppet porn…never mind of what I said before or any other ironic bullshit that he does which I'm pretty sure those stunts he specifically made for me are design to get under my skin and probably trying to piss me off.

The house is pretty new, clean, and I basically hate it. Where's the ruin ass house that you need one? Like it is going to be all Tyler Durden up in this bitch and being all edgy about it while we make a place called Fight Club, where we beat each other to death for no goddamn reasons at all along having imaginary friends out of the fucking blue like it is Foster Homes for sociopathic Friends right out of my ass.

Walking to the house that's painted in white, so this piece of crap wouldn't be rotten. This place looks as boring as hell itself. Speaking of hell, where the hell is the graffiti? The disgusting look of this place that makes me wants to vomit? Why the hell my Bro decide to pick this crappy joint? To psychologically mess me up since that's currently working on me.

Oh man, if I ever find John. I will tell him of how my life sucks right now since we're living in this sexy joint and probably beat the crap out of him for suggesting me on coming over here in the first place. Where my Bro has more psychological games under his sleeves than his collection of puppet fetishes in his mind.

"Dave. Give me a good honest question to me. How shitty is this house I bought? It looks so bad that it looks so fine, arousing in your eyes Dave. Admit it, you're getting arouse by it don't you?" Yes, the house looks so nice that I want to stay inside of it forever and I don't mind fucking the said house. It looks pretty god damn ugly and grandiose if I say it right, yet I'm getting a heavy amusement from looking at this pile of shit. It looks so great that my mind is in ecstasy from looking at it and my eyes aren't bleeding from looking at this shitty design that is so elegant for one bit.

"It is so good that it is shitty, yet it's good in a bad way that I want to cut myself Bro. You know, decking the halls and rub myself for it." Giving him my lying opinion about it yet it's true at the same time. Bro looks back at it and rubbed his chin like a douchebag he is. Ironically thinking about the house which he's not thinking about it at all, what he's actually thinking about is jacking off to some gay puppet porn.

When I'm about to think shit here and do nothing in particular but to fuck around in the front yard and jerking our dicks off out in public like it's an all-out gay exhibition museum for people to watch especially for kids to learn about sexuality. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard someone yell out behind me and charging at me in a war cry, disliking of our plans on doing something that's unreasonably retarded to watch.

"BANZAI!" Yup, it's a girl and being all kamikaze bat-shit crazy about it as well since we're doing something gay here. In all serious gay power we're doing and being all disgusting Otaku ninjas about it simultaneously. Where Ironic Tendencies is an actual, official superpower like moving around that no can see shit and flash stepping like it's fucking Naruto that has a huge weeaboo cult following. Where said anime is actually a capitalistic religion that indoctrinate you to worship your god Naruto or whatever.

Moving behind her and touching the paved cement sidewalk where her foot just about to land on the fucking front door of our new found house that I was about to open. Luckily, Bro was fast enough to react to this bullshit occurrence and opened the front door in the right time. Where he just becomes a blur and the door suddenly opens up for our new psychopathic neighbor here to land. Making it to my list of grievances of why I hate this place so much. How worst could this possibly be for me? What? Meet some weird kid that seems do always talk to himself for no reason at all along breaking the fourth wall out of fucking nowhere? I'll call that bullshit and that probably wouldn't exist on meeting some weird douche who's probably being an absolute prick.

"Lynn! Why do…you…attack…our…new neighbors. **HUFF** …I really need to stop running on catching up with you." Whoops, I think I just jinx it up. What terrible luck I have and I'm pretty sure he'll be the biggest insufferable douche I'll ever meet and I'll probably be the biggest, gayest douche ever to him.

"Wait. How-how did you get there and not here new kid? Are you like a freaking ninja or something?! If so, that would be really cool!" What Ninjas? I only see sexually confused hipsters here who are being ironic shinobi-Japanese crap, speaking in broken Japanese jutsu words and growing disgusting neck breads. In short, what the fuck are you talking about?

"What fucking ninjas? We're bunch of dudes moving into this shitty house for no reasons at all. Standing here in the hot sizzling heat we're in like a bread about to get raped by Mr. Toaster." Complaining about the heat during the month of June of my shitty summer break, although truthfully, I feel really nice outside…despite sweating out here like a soak sponge that needs his icing really bad.

"Wait-did I hear you cuss? You know cussing is bad right?!" Turning to this white haired kid that's being the biggest asshole right here, but most importantly…are you really serious right now? Concerning me about cussing? Don't you see this girl just tried to kick me? By any chance, who the hell is this guy and where did they just came from because I was too busy fascinated of the door I was staring at?

"Hey buddy. Do you realize that this girl just tried to kick me like I'm a domesticated abuse husband who lost his balls to do her sociopathic wife? Scratch that, I really enjoyed that scenario I was in. For that, I really want draw my blade to amputate some limbs here…you goddamn psycho. But when I think about it twice, my ass felt like some feathery soft pillows and her legs are rocking hard, ready to penetrate right to my butthole of how she acted upon me." Giving him my full opinion of this mess I'm in that has nothing to do with these guys but to piss me off. They kept pestering me because they're curious mammals who want to learn about me and I'm the motherfucking zookeeper for them. Also, my Strider senses are tingling again that this girl wants to kick me again…for no goddamn reasons at all.

"HIYAAA!" As I move like a slow turtle who just got recently crippled, I moved in the slowest speed ever as I'm now backed at the door and-not-in-the-cement-sidewalk-anymore-by-which-I'm-not-talking-so-slow-for-sarcastic-sense-to-you.

When she realized she was kicking an air of nothing, her face was drawn in a huge surprise and how she is standing there, really confuse of what mad tricks I did that's now irrelevant to me.

Landed on my feet, doing my forbidden Otaku moves on her where is so fucking forbidden, the forsaken weeaboos will be all over me and asking me to do this wicked ass move I'm having. I bet this girl that tried attack me is indeed a weeaboo, trying to blackmail me to teach her of how gotta' go fast in the Sonichu spectrum.

By any chance, who the hell is she and why does she want to break my fucking spine for? Like I'm some sad, little alien cripple who is so low in self-esteem down to his dignity that I bowed down to my bitchy like girlfriend who is an utter bitch and making the stupidest rap lyrics I ever heard of on coping with his shitty esteem? Who the heck think she is?

* * *

[Somewhere in an alien planet…]

Typing to my Morail Gamzee…which I think he is my Morail? I want to discuss about my feelings with…Vriska since she…well, crippled my legs and I felt very depressed right now since she keeps berating me for no grubbing reasons at all. But I don't mind it at all…I guess?

Also, why do I feel someone just insulted me recently and why do I feel more depressed like right now? I mean what would Pupa Pan do in this situation and the Lost Weeabos coping with such dramatic experience I'm having?

After having my buddy Gamzee pep-talk out of my mood. I think I'm feeling a lot better now! You know what? Time to get some fresh Alternian air and hearing the nasty lifeforms dwelling near to my hive! Nothing go wrong of doing that!

Just hope the wildlife doesn't eat me though...

* * *

[Dave]

Yeah, that's probably what he's feeling right now and I could care less about it in the slightest sense.

So who are they and what do they want with me?

* * *

[Lynn Loud]

Oh boy, when I tried to kick him again. He just suddenly disappeared on my sights and reappeared out of nowhere behind me? Like how does he do that?! Is that humanly possible that he move such speed?

Getting up to my knees and wanting to greet this new kid of who looks like a really cool dude along with his coolly presume guardian next to him that's wearing those anime shades for some weird reason? I heard this tall guy spoke out about my...performance.

"Wow motherfucker, you totally miss Dave's back. How about you be more precise and kick his ass for once? He sure loves it by the way. So do your thing on him and I'm going to do something that I'll probably abandoned him. You know, important business." Seeing this cool looking guy got on his rad board with flames on it. He floats off onto the sky and never be seen again…I think? Thinking about it, does he really care for this kid since I tried to break his spine?

"Wait, so this guy abandoned you…err, Dave of what he calls you?" Seeing he just lifted his shoulders saying he has no idea and pretty much cool with it.

"Nah, don't worry about him. He's trying to psychologically get under my skin and pretty much a ruse for me to bitch at him to suck his dependent dick so I can bow down to him. He'll eventually come back and I'll be glad if he's gone. Besides, I know Bro. He's probably doing something retarded without me knowing about it." After he spoke such…um, enthusiasm about his guardian person where he calls him Bro which I think it is this guy's brother. I'm a little bit concern about this Dave person since he's speaking a little bit strange like this happens a lot to him? But whatever it is, he's still freaking cool as heck and I need to learn about that teleporting skill he does!

* * *

[Lincoln Loud]

Why hello there folks. Today I was chasing after my sister when she spotted something that's flying in the sky after doing her brutal soccer ball practices that I don't want to get involve on ever. So now we're here my dear viewers and meeting up with our new neighbor that I don't know much about him. By any which, does he like comics? Especially Ace-Savvy ones? At first, I really don't like him since he was cussing but he's really a cool kid of what I've seen so far about him! Like…the coolest kid who can drop the sickest beats around here and be extremely cool about everything!

"Why hello there my fellow neighbor, how is the _cool_ day we're having here near you? By the way, what's your name?" Trying to put up a pun that Luan would enjoy and make myself look cool to him, the cool kid still make the blank expression he has and answered our question. Of how he answers…sort of hurts my feelings.

"Wow, what a crappy pun you just made. Like what? Are you some sort of fat skeleton that has nothing better to do than to be fucking lazy and making horrendous puns along harassing a naughty kid who decided to be a dick to everyone? I don't think so buddy. To answer your question, the name's Ben Strider and I just move here to do my Bro trying to mentally torture me since I want to visit my buddy John, not to move out here at all." Um wait, how does a fat skeleton get involved in this conversation we're talking about that sounds nonsensical? But nevertheless, let's forget about that and continue our conversation…Ben Strider-

…

Wait; did his Bro say his name is Dave? I think you're trying to be deceitful to me right here aren't you Dave? I know what you're doing. I got the skills to know that someone is lying to me like Ace-Savvy taught me a few tricks in my sleeves of how to detect liars.

"Wow-wow-wow…I think you're trying to mess with us? Isn't your name Dave since your Bro said it out loud?" Seeing the kid just raised his eyebrow at us, he gave us his legitimate reason of why he call himself Ben and not Dave.

"Well my Bro is an absolute douche and his actually name is Dave so he can point his identity to me to hold his fraud insurance when it comes to making smuppets. So the cops can blame on me, throw me to jail, and giving me the Captain Custer position in the butt endlessly…does that sound familiar to you?" Wow, I never know your Bro is so cruel-

"Ha, ha, ha…just kidding buddy. Wow, you really fall into that crap I just recently made up. Nah, my name is really Dave. Don't forget about that yo." Gosh darn it! Did I really fall into his ruse in a moment notice?!

Okay, keep it cool Lincoln. I don't want to make this guy think I'm uncool and unhip about it. Just do ya thing and hope for the best that he doesn't notice that you're forcing yourself to act cool to him. So what do to do Lincoln? How would I make myself look cool? Bringing him to my house?

…

…

Nope, definitely nope, my sisters will destroy the entire cool kid plan I have in mind and it will destroy my image of me being a cool kid just like him! I don't want to see me as a laughing stock to Dave! best hope Lynn doesn't invite him in, hope Lynn doesn't invite him in-

"Hey Dave, do you want to come to our house and meet up with my sisters since you're new to the neighborhood? The name's Lynn Loud and next to me is my bro Lincoln." Oh jeez no, really Lynn? Why?! I don't want to let him see me with my sisters or I'll be a loser here! So I got a plan to slow him down before he can reach to my house.

"Hey Dave, do you want to do-?" Yet Dave agreed with Lynn with no second thought before I ask him a trivia question. "Sure why not, I want to see something new here than Bro dicking around at me. So lead the way Lynn." Oh come on!

"Hey Strider, do you want-"

"No." Please come on, listen to me!

"How about-"

"No."

"Can we read my comics, it's so super cool-"

"Buddy no. I have my own web-comic." Wait-really, you're into superheroes? Me too!

"Let's-"

"No."

Again, trying to stall him before he can reach to my house is failing, looks like this is going to be the inevitable as he seems to be ignoring me. What? Am I not cool enough to him? I wonder what Clyde would say about this situation we're in? Luckily, I got my Clyde radio to give me advice about this!

Pulling out my Walkie-talkie down from my pants, I spoke out to Clyde quietly before Dave can notice me. "Psst…Clyde? Do you have any cool-kids advice because I have a new awesome neighbor who's living few blocks away from my house?" Oh man, hope Clyde knows what he is doing or else Dave will shame on me of who I am. So I need to soften the impact before he can judge me.

* * *

 **Welp…the first chapter is done. Now time for the second chapter for the introductions of the sisters.**


	2. Chapter 2: Comedy at its best

**Part 2 for a Strider and the Louds. So time to go down with introduction in the Loud House and how Dave 'greets' them in his respectful way.**

 **Also to guest, Yup, Bro is going to have a field day with Leni to do her 'issues' she has as she'll be prone to Bro's antics.**

 **By the way, Lisa will hate him eventually.**

* * *

Chapter 2: So Dave…how's John?

* * *

Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! I can't wait to meet up with my sisters and introducing them to my buddy Dave over here who almost moved next to our house! So time to introduce him to sports and my sisters along hoping Lincoln doesn't screw anything up for me of what I'm going to plan for him.

So anyways, where the heck is my little brother Lincoln at? He was walking down the paved sidewalk with us and I look back to see he isn't there anymore…I wonder where he wander off to? But who cares, let's continue on following the path to my house! I could possibly convince Dave here to play some sports with me if he's good at them.

Walking, walking and walking. We finally reach to my house and where it contains of my ten siblings. Which inside is a hassle to deal with them all at once. Hey, maybe this new kid probably wouldn't stand them for being annoying, where one bad scenario could make him suffer throughout his stay here. Thinking about it, I can imagine it now on dealing with half of my sisters in a worst case scenario I can think of other than making a huge mental breakdown on Clyde's dads

And now I imagined all of it playing through my head…

* * *

 _I saw Dave is at the living room and being tied up on the chair while screaming like a tormented victim where all my sisters' shenanigans pour onto him._

" _Death is a mellow worded."_

" _Soul is adrift on your stride."_

" _It is sticking, fallen down…"_

" _Love is forever."_

" _Love is free-wait…that came out wrong…I wish Luna stop playing with her dang albums as it gotten annoying to concentrate."_

 _Seeing my roommate Lucy reciting her emotional poems while Dave is screaming to death, I saw Lana tightening the rope around Dave's body as he seems to be chocking to death by it._

" _Hold still cool kid! I'm trying to give you a makeover on your hands!" Seeing Lola painting Dave's fingernails and polishing his skin while giving him her infamous deadly glare, I hope Dave doesn't piss off Lola that's for sure._

" _Sup Dave, how about I_ _ **cool**_ _your face?" Seeing Luan slammed one of her banana pies on Dave's face and laughed. Things have gotten bad to worse when Lisa arrived._

" _Excuse me; I need to inject the new experimental serum to test his level of coolness if my hypothesis on the human psychology of how humans behave in the word coolness works." Seeing Lisa went down the stairs and holding a syringe filled with unknown stuff in it. Scrap of what I previously said, looks like things has gotten worse to shit._

 _Slamming the syringe right at his right butt cheek, I only heard him say this out loud._

" _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

* * *

Yeah…that would be bad for him…in a really terrible way, but who cares? He can meet up with my other sisters though and some of them aren't half that bad. I think?

"So, here is my front yard where I practice my sportsmanship to keep me tip-top shape and ready for my big game at school," Also another good place to teach me of your _'secret'_ of how to move fast as I'm very HYPE on that! "And inside of my house are my siblings doing their own thing which they might destroy something within fifty seconds."

Oh yeah, looking back at the front yard really makes me want to play some soccer to practice my kicks and turns! Football to practice my throws! Climbing the tree where I saw a girl that I never seen before who is probably around ten or eleven, wearing some weird black costume with a white spiral things on her chest, has long blond hair and wearing rectangular, thin glasses making this person look like a nerd, sitting on the tree, that I can climb on it to improve my agility-wait a DARN minute!

Looking back at the tree, I thought I saw a person sitting on the branch…but she wasn't there anymore? I'm probably seeing things that are not there.

You know, for a second...I saw someone who looks quite familiar? For sure, I thought she was Lily at first? But I guess I'm being delusional here.

Oh well, time to meet up with my siblings to introduce this new kid I have here.

"Okay Dave. This might be a little hectic of my siblings to handle, so be prepared if things go wrong here in any ways possible." Warning my buddy Dave to experience the type of life style I'm always dealing with. I sure hope he doesn't cry about it.

"Yeah, let's see what they do to me and overtly suffer from this which such passionate joy I'll have here." Err, okay. I think he's being ironic right here and acknowledging that something would go bad for him.

Doing my high jump practices, some gymnastic backflips, and other ways for me to move than walk so all my body gets all the extra strength it needs for the next big game I have tomorrow. Near the door, getting ready to face my sisters and introducing them to Dave. I opened the front door and only to encounter…to see Lucy writing on her weird poem book with none of my siblings around her. Where are they? Shouldn't they be doing chaotic things around the house?

"Hey Lucy? Where are the rest of our sisters at?" Asking my Sis' Lucy about that, she shrugs her shoulders while still continue on writing with her strange poems as she answered me about what they're doing and where they are.

"Lily is at the park with our parents. Lisa is at a STEM convention dealing with soulless robots nearby here. Lola is at a degenerate beauty pageant. Lana is at a mechanic workshop to buy parts. Luna is in a concert as she is listening onto voices of lies and despair. Luan is at her room, chatting with her friend that makes insufferable puns a lot. Leni is out with her mindless friends, and Lori…is being all predictable when it comes to Bobby." So all of them are busy while I'm not? What a great coincidence here as Dave wouldn't suffer from them all at once!

Isn't that great Dave? You can only meet my sister Lucy or probably Luan who's upstairs-

"Yes! They are not here to humiliate my new possible best friend-oh no- **WHAAAAAAAA** -!" A big, loud thud occur in this room as my bro Lincoln, _who somehow was on the ceiling_ , fell down from there and face planted on the carpet floor.

"Wow, what a good introduction of your family you have here so far Lynn. So…this Goth chick is name Lucy? You know, I'm having this weird pedophile loli vibe growing out from this house as if some creeps are stalking upon us here." Completely ignoring the fact that Lincoln fell down from the ceiling all of the sudden, I heard Lucy notice our new neighbor near her. Putting her book down and observed our new possible friend amongst the Loud House residents.

"Looks like someone is walking among the living. Yes, I am Lucy if you ask-and please restrain yourself of your dimensional acknowledgement of this pitiful world that we existed on for someone else's literature pleasure of our doomed demised upon the alternate future." Well, looks like she isn't into Dave that much since he isn't into those…Goth things that Lucy really loves to do. Plus-what the hell are those two talking about?

"So you met Lucy Dave. So how about you can meet my sister Luan-who are you texting to?" Seeing he pulled out his i-phone out of nowhere, I hope he isn't one of those Lori type of people who are freaking obsessed with Texting!

"A friend of my mine who's somewhere living in New York, she is into poetry like your sis Lucy here and she semi into those dark edgy shit that your sister is into…unless its bizarre tentacle monsters that likes to mind-fuck you for no reasons at all." Wait-who is she?

 _*BEEP!*_

"Speaking of Rose, there she is..."

* * *

[Dave]

Looking at my chat client, I know the person who called me and I predicted who it is.

* * *

 **[TentacleTherapist: Pestering]**

* * *

So…I'm texting to Rose when I felt my phone hummed my hip where some point it becomes annoying as hell to ignore. I pulled out my phone while Lynn introduce to her Goth, Emo-ish sister who is all edgy and dark shit of whatever she is into. Luckily, Rose isn't into that type of crap as she's too busy communicating with her tentacle Cthulu gods to make any god damn sense to me of why she's doing it in the first place…or she's too busy writing with her shitty wizard fictions like it's a Harry Potter fan-fiction rip-off.

So time to answer this shitty chat client called Pesterchum.

* * *

 _tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]_

 **TT: Dave. How is your trip to John and moving out from Texas make you feel Dave?**

 **TT: Just be honest with me if you're transgressing of your…Bro's antics.**

 **TG: oh jesus fucking christ**

 **TG: it's really bad of what you've think**

 **TG: I just want to meet up John and not fucking move here, but Bro being a jackass as usual**

 **TG: pulling on that damn advantage so I can practice his weeaboo restraining order philosophy that we both made up so we can suck each other's dicks like its Mary Poppins in the air crying onto our souls of how not so kid friendly this is**

 **TG: by the way, I met the neighbors here and they're pretty cool I guess?**

 **TG: where one is a cool goth child who is obsessed with literature just like you**

 **TG: the other is a jackass sport jock who is obsessed with sports who wants to kick my ass for no reason but friendly at the same**

 **TG: Except for one douche-y kid who is a desperate prick who wants to be cool to impress me like I am some goddamn god to him as if I am in god-tier mode that can control time or whatever**

 **TG: but failing to do so since he's not acting normal and being an insufferable good Christian boy he is as if he's into CWC ideology and embracing his Sonichu inner-self**

 **TG: like I am the fucking alpha gay male to be paraded by sexually desperate dudes to have some rounds with my wet floppy crotch which is probably the best thing in my miraculous goddamn life if that ever existed**

 **TG: by which I don't care if girls join in as well in my sexualized harem that this kid is trying to start**

 **TG: sucking his Twinkie off like its gay pride parade all over again and letting out his pent up incestuous raged he is having within him**

 **TT: Okay…that's one way to describe your situation and your ironic amusement into bad web-comics that is made by an adult man who has genuine autism problems. Getting picked on the Internet and whose parents don't support him that much and his whole life is solely in confinement…which doesn't help with his mental issues. As he's pretty much having a Grandiosity by his own fragile ego and narcissism…yet disturbingly funny at the same time.**

 **TT: By any which, that's how terrible, special snowflake people are made by and how they become.**

 **TT: Also, sorry if I chatter onto my Psychotherapy session I'm currently studying in-depth about it.**

 **TG: hey, no problem Rose. I'm sort of into your psychological study stuff while I'm dealing with Bro's bullshit mind games while your mother ironically loves your damn wizard fetish thing**

 **TG: It's like if Bill Murray being the sad clown and telling about psychology of how shitty the world is.**

 **TG: So how**

* * *

 **[gallowsCalibrator: Trolling]**

* * *

 **TG: oh great**

 **TG: this girl I know who always talk some weird bizarre crap that she's an alien or something to troll me on about**

 **TG: but I'll play with her game. Just hold on for a minute and she'll probably be talking about Captain Planet bullshit propaganda when she sniffed my Bro's computer of how we're eco-friendly species who gives a damn about nature**

 _turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]_

* * *

Seeing this weird girl pop-out from my screen again and begins to troll me to hell. What the hell does she want with me now and her weird fetish of being an alien that's highly unlikely to exist along claiming she's six years old from couple of years back?

* * *

 _gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]_

 **GC: D4V3!**

 **GC: 1T 1S B33N 4 WH1L3 W3 H4V3 T4LK COOL K1D!**

 **GC: SO 1 SM3LL YOU H4V3 4 N3W GRUB HUM4N N3XT TO YOU 4ND SH3 SM3LLS L1K3 4 CHOCOL4T3 FUDG3 H41R 4ND R3D CH3RRY JUST L1K3 YOU D4V3! W1TH YOUR T4STY COLOR!**

 **TG: wait**

 **TG: how the hell you know that someone is near me?**

 **GC: D4V3**

 **GC: D1D YOU FORG3T**

 **GC: 1 4M BL1ND 4ND 1 C4N SM3LL YOU H3RE THROUGH YOUR PHON3**

 **GC: COM3 ON D4V3**

 **GC: W3V3 B33N THROUGH TH1S 4LR34DY!**

 **TG: wait…so you were saying that you're being serious about your sniffing powers?**

 **GC: 4ND MY T4ST3 POW3RS 4S W3LL D4V3 :D**

 **GC: DO NOT M1ND THE M1SS1NG 3Y3BROWS**

 **GC: GRUBB1N 3Y3BROW 3MOJ1 R3SR1CT1ONS**

 **TG: What a sad day for you that you can't do those fucking annoying eyebrow emojis**

 **TG: but fuck it**

 **TG: I am currently busy right now so fuck off**

 _turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]_

* * *

So now back to Rose-and that was a weird discussion with this girl? It just…sniffing through my phone and find out whom I am sounds really fucking retarded if you ask me. For some reason, I'm having this Deja Vu vibe that I talk to her before on a particular topic?

* * *

 _tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]_

 **TT: So how's your conversation with a troll?**

 **TG: sorry about that**

 **TG: I can't talk right now as Lynn is starting to look at me as if I am obsessed attention whore or something**

 **TG: neighbors needed to be chatted with here onto my fucking cheddar dish**

 **TT: Do what you must Dave as I'm well currently studying on my psychology field with utmost focus.**

 _turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]_

* * *

After having this long ass chat with two people who talked to me in the wrong time in the wrong place is dealt with, I saw Lynn raised her eyebrow at me like I am some obsessed Tumblrite or Facebook whore that has nothing better to do but to text like I am some ego megalomaniacal dick who always complain and self-idolized oneself for no fucking reason.

"Um…what are you looking at me like that Lynn?"

* * *

[Lynn]

Seeing Dave staring at his phone with some of hint of frustration creeping onto his stone face, I guess he's having a bad time with someone. I'm not really a texting freak like my sister Lori is but I know he's getting irked out from it when he lost some of his cool.

"Who are you texting to Dave? Are you obsessed with texting a lot because I'm not enthused into those types of people?" Giving out my concern of him if he's like Lori who I sort of hate her guts for you know…being a texting freak?

"Yeah, I am those typed of people who are socially inept assholes that are whoring onto social networks like slaves to fucking Mark Zuckerberg's big fat keyboard which isn't a euphemism for dick. For my type of person what I'm really, is that I am not what you think of me sexually in any way possible. I'm one of those made up sexualities that Tumblrites just spew over their mouths. So, I am a proud fucking Pansexual or whatever the hell that is."

Okay, I heard tons of heavy sarcasm in his voice-and yup, he isn't Lori at all. But he sure complains a lot in a really, _really_ strange way to describe of what he feels.

"Anyways, I was talking to my Pan-pal who's somewhere from New York in a forest while simultaneously dealing with a weird ass troll who has nothing better to do but being fixated on me with her weird ass fetish for aliens or her weird ass fetish for tasting stuff as I'm pretty sure she's probably lying on about." Looking at me in the eye behind his shades, we went back to our previous discussion if he wants to meet my family members.

"What do you want me to meet who?" Oh boy. He's going to love Luan's puns or jokes of what she usually do.

" _HA HA HA HA HA HA! Bone-e-ton!"_ And there she goes with her puns.

"And that you heard is my sister Luan. So, do you want to meet up my comedic sister than my brother Lincoln here?" pointing my finger to Lincoln who was awkwardly smiling at him. Dave still kept his face hardy and not caring of what's happening around him in a slightest bit. I can't tell if he wants to hang out with my brother or hanging out with my other sisters?

"Meh, sure let's meet up with your sister Luan? I guess getting to know you people is probably a good idea for me…probably." Shrugging his shoulders to me without a care and wanting to go along with meeting my sisters.

"Wait-wait-wait Dave! We haven't check out my Ultra-Rare comics of Ace-Savvy!" Hearing my brother is being all nerdy again with his stupid comics. In Dave's response, he simply raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

I wonder what his thoughts about Lincoln?

* * *

[Dave]

"Who is Ace-Savvy? That person sounds like a major douchebag and a terribly, generic made character for my likings to stomach. As if bleach went down to my fucking ass." Seriously, that sounds like the most fucking blandest character I ever heard of and plagiarized rip-off between Superman, Bat-Man, and my favorite web-comic the Midnight Crew of all time.

So he better explain to me of who is this guy exactly?

"He isn't boring! He is the finest hero of all time with his savviest observation skills and the deck of card sidekicks of Ace with many tricks up their capes! With his cards defeating his enemies-!" Oh boy, now that sounds like a Midnight Crew rip-off here ladies and gentlemen. Also probably a DC hero reject where the blandest people would actually buy them. Besides, I am in the Midnight Crew for the fucking giggles.

Now I lost my attention span on Lincoln of all the sudden. I wonder why I lost my interest of him so fast as if he wants to become the greatest douche that is bearing down onto my ass with Bro piggy backing my own ass so hard.

And why do I have a sudden feeling that this guy got screwed so hard like he got stab so many freaking times to take him down?

* * *

[Somewhere…]

Holding onto my knife, a wannabe superhero jackass was about to surprise us when we're about to rob a bank. But…I GREETED HIM FIRST!

Man I need to work on my one-liners as it gotten to shit to say something original. But who cares, I robbed a inter-dimensional bank and still figuring out how the hell Die's voodoo work!

So, my knife was all bloody and a body of an egoistic douchebag who has many holes in him of this dimension we're in from 'borrowing' Die's voodoo crap. Of how we got here is to do dimensional shenanigan bullshit from tempering with Die's fucking doll too much.

By body, I meant bunch of fucking cosplaying insufferable douches, where they got angry at us for no fucking reason when we killed their 'leader' when we were robbing a bank of this reality we are in.

Countlessly stabbing a random sidekick body of using my Spade go-do-sign which makes me really fucking angry of them using our gang symbols-that wasn't exaggeration, I get really fucking angry at the scums who uses MY symbol!

For the rest of my crew, they have different opinions of the situation.

Droog is being the calm one out of us fucks where he's reading his newspaper with bodies of Droog's victims lie wasted surrounding him. But most gruesome of them all is amputating a sidekick bitch that uses his symbol which really ticks Droog off.

For Hearts, he just standing there reading his smut magazines with his fists all bloody and Clubs is being Clubs as he harmlessly wanking an already decease corpse with a Bull Penis cane…which makes him really creepy of why Clubs still uses his damn animal testicle in the first place and how he got it is beyond me. Only Clubs Deuce's imagination can interpret his damn brainless shenanigans of what he accurately remembered.

So now…HOW THE FUCK DO WE GET BACK TO OUR OWN DAMN DIMENSIONS?! Using Die's doll has gotten more complicated than ever as we're now jumping into different dimensions than alternate realities! In addition, this isn't my crew of my reality as each of them stole Die's damn doll and fuck around with it!

Getting exhausted on stabbing this douchebag, I begin to temper with this damn doll in my hands. When I about to poke a needle at this voodoo Juju crap, I saw something appeared in front of me in thin air-and oh boy it is me…who he is a cyborg by the way by the shit loads of metal covering the majority of my entire body. In which, he as well, holding a Die's Juju.

What should I do Spade Slick? To talk such inter-dimensional self of some bullshit canon that I ever heard of and having this weird in-text dialogue that this isn't a damn web comic?

 **[Spade Slick: Talk to yourself]**

Yup I talked to myself. He said he's going to kick Lord English's ass right now and killing your possessed self who is being under control of that dipshit that I really **REALLY** hate. In addition of this dimension that this Slick talks about, you heard yourself about to recruit the former Felt members onto the Midnight Crew since your old crew is permanently dead. Fortunately, you, yourself is smart enough not to bring back that she-bitch that I used to work for is a pain to my ass!

By which importantly, I envy myself that he gets the higher honor on murdering that damn green man-child alien who obsessed being an artist.

* * *

[Dave]

That's a hunch I have in my stomach that really bugs me a lot.

"So anyway Lynn, let's meet up with your other sisters." Ignoring Lincoln's shitty comic book taste where I would shoot myself of reading such generic, mainstream comics.

"Sure thing there Dave my buddy, let's head up stairs and meet up with my sis Luan at her bedroom!" Whoopie, let's go meet your fucking sister who has so sensible tickling shit sense of humor that I might predict here of how easily she laughs at really shitty puns and everything around her that doesn't make any damn sense that would tickle my insides like the tears of Jim Carrey shoving it down to my throat.

Walking up the stairs that is an opposite of my epic walking when I usually confronting Bro with his bullshitting upstairs at the rooftop of our apartment where I tried to own him. Now I have to deal with ticklish fucking girl that is so easy impress with god awful humor, a Dare Devil girl version, and the most desperate kid I ever seen in my whole damn lifespan.

I give you a word: _'Visit'_ and that is the one word when I said to Bro of wanting to visit John which escalating into this bullshit so I can be consume by my anguish to bow down onto Bro's fucking ironic might.

So furthermore of my bleating goat tendency going through my head of my inner squirming has reach to satisfactory levels. Lynn finally reaches to a room whereas I saw bunk beds and equipment shitting on the ground that I can distinguish of who's who like I am fucking Sherlock Holmes or some shit that Rose fascinate on some detective noir crap.

I'll give you a hint…one of those old classic rockers who probably loves AD/DC, Beatles or some shit to do the posters of rockers from the many time periods scattered across the room and the other…is basically a female version of John who has a really stupid taste on jokes that I might ironically hurl my ass to laughter of how good their damn humor is.

The latter I am talking about is bunch of gags lying about around in this room. Maybe John would get along with this girl just fine to do having the same shallow sense of humor that may or may not drove me to kill myself of how shitty their jokes are. By person, I think I saw one near to her computer as she's typing away where she's chatting with someone. Of who she's talking do, I don't know who the hell that person is that might be a goddamn pedophile rapist persuading a teenage girl to get head.

Anyhow, this chick before me is wearing the most nerdist clothing I ever seen and like she came right out of the fucking 90s or 80s something that associated with comedians during those times.

Looking at her screen, I see she is using a web browser called _Momus_ and having conservation in the good O' goddamn Pesterchum. Which I see her screen name is **"ComedianGolden"** or something like that.

"Hey Luan! Who are you talking?" Seeing my jock buddy who I just met-like what? Five minutes ago? Where she's talking to her _'ingenious'_ comedian sister where I might spell out L.O.L to her in genuine laugh which isn't a lie that I honestly want to hang myself of hearing that shit.

"Ha, ha! It's my _pen_ -pal Lynn! He is somewhere in the mountains and speak in Comic-Sans! I don't know why he speaks it but it is part of a quirk of him! But I can't speak of who he is because that's a secret for between me and him." Hmm, that sounds quite familiar yet I don't know why? Probably some timey-wimey, alternate dimensional bullshit as human beings can't comprehend of that shit.

"Nah, I don't want to ask. Can I go now because I need to find my buddy John Egbert around this place since he said he lives around here?" As I spoke of that magic name out loud to everyone, a particular girl who indulging in her self-humor comedy she has running in her head looked at me in surprise-…oh wait, now I understand why she has that bad comedian trait and I know who did it to infect this unfortunate victim here. Explaining to me of why she acting way too familiar of someone I know.

"Did you say Egbert? John Egbert?! You're talking about my Childhood friend-um, who are you?" I would say Ben Strider, but that's me telling the truth to them which I wouldn't allow my personal agenda to influx upon them of my boring ass self. Also experiencing my own damn pleasurable torment if Bro ever finds out of where there house is to screw with us.

"The name's Dave, plain and straight. So how the hell you meet up John?" I give you one word what she said to me: Dads.

"Well. You see Dave, our dad went to meet up with his trusty business co-worker slash insurance provider after we'd _Trash_ our house-get it, get it! Anyways, it was like six years ago when we first visit the Egbert residents. Pretty much that's how I meet my best friend John and how he taught me a lot of good jokes when he was a little kid!" Oh…oh no, it makes perfect sense of why you have that shitty comedian trait where I know too familiar of who.

Now I have to deal with two fucking comedians upon their presence near me.

"Okay that's all great and dandy and shit. But do you know where John's house is? That is one reason I am here since I want to visit him but my Bro who decided to be a dick occasionally, move in here that's almost near to your house couple of blocks away from here for our own retarded amusement."

Demanding to see my gay frustrated friend who has a stupid sense of humor and constantly being trolled in his chat client. I might as well calm his ass down before he started to have a Chris-Chan breakdown that I don't want to see at all in my entire goddamn life when he declares that he isn't a homosexual and denying his true nature.

"Well looks like the cat is out the bag. Time we show of how _cool air_ outside from John's house…get it, get it because he always make baked goods!" Yup, I have no fucking clue of what your joke is and sounded like it came from a pretentious 3D animated show that has shit plot but at the same time wanting to screw a Shota cat fuckboy right up in his frenchie weeaboo virgin butthole. Also, probably into Bondage party.

As this girl is being generous of showing me of where John is. We passed by the Goth girl who is doing her bizarre poems. Making it all edgy and all emo-ish that would probably want to cut their own wrist off of how horribly emotionally depressed it is.

Stepping out from the front door and heading outside. Today is pretty depressingly horrible as the sky is clear and the sun is shining bright here. No honking and bird crapping all over my stuff which I am pretty used to.

The sun is burning my skin like fucking KFC colonel frying my ass if I am a dumbass crow who wants to bathe in that sizzling greasy crap. The weather is good for flowers and plants to have intercourse to spread their crap loads of seeds for no damn reason.

Strolling down the streets in joyful excitement that my buddy is feeling it and giving out smiling faces or crap like that so I can be miserable as hell down here, anyhow, how long this walk will take us to my old buddy John?

Making a few turns in the streets and not getting run over by traffic. I now see bunch of generic white houses and I bet one of them is John's house…somewhere.

As this girl Luan made a stop with Lynn occupying next to me while this white hair douche is behind me talking about irrelevant boyish crap that I care less to acknowledge him. Ignoring him, I heard him talking as I'm not acknowledging him at all.

"So what's your favorite part of Youtube? I prefer to go check out recent comic books that are so great and movies!" Oh great I'm listening to the mainstream shitstorm of Youtube as it's mostly consisted with mentally challenged five year olds that do nothing but jack off in the comment section. So I might as well comply onto his request before I think of something rather gay.

"Gachimuchi." Whoops, did I say something gay out loud from my mouth and a meme at a same time?

"Gachi-what? Is it some weird Japanese cartoon because I am into those too buddy!" Boy, I hope he finds out what it is and he'll appreciate of what it is, giving that true weeaboo magic of the underrated meme that I drop out from it like three years ago as it gotten boring in my taste.

Moaning, being the Boss of the Gym, and manly grabbing each other shoulders as high chances that Bro might be ironically interested in it so he can shut the fuck up about puppets.

"Hey John, it's me Luan!"

So further conclude this long ass walk to John's house and smelling the disgusting smell of baked goods when Luan get near to one of the many generic white houses. She knock on the door and I heard someone behind…a nerdy kind of voice which I know who it is and possibly be doing something stupid of a prank.

"Just a moment there Luan, got to prepare something a surprise for you here when you open the door!" Yup, I predicted what it is and probably could go wrong here. "John, I believe you didn't check on your stove." Here it goes when I heard the door unlocked...

"My stove is on? What do you mean by that Luan and what are you talking-" Before he can say anything stupid, Luan pulled the door first and then a bucket fell down as it splattered all over my nerdy friend over here as he's all wet…and sexy.

"OH COME ON! YOU TRICKED ME ONCE AGAIN LUAN!" Yup, that how's John react and not making his words subtle at all knowing what's going to happen next. You know, looking back at the two sisters and a dude. Luan is laughing her ass off of that small trick she made while Lynn face palmed of John's near retarded cluelessness. For the guy who has white hair that I instantly forgot his name is still bitching at me with pointless trivia questions. Reminding me of why is he exactly with us here on meeting my O' Johnny boy?

"Sup John." Showing my buddy that I am here than in the state of Texas. I heard John shook in surprise and instantly remove the bucket from his head to see his eyes in absolute excitement.

"Oh my God! DAVE YOU ARE HERE-" Before he can speak of anything pointless to me, I walk up to him and hurled my palm right at his cheek in break neck speed. Resulting in a form of a slap where I see a hand print painted all over his cheek.

"Ow! What the heck was that Dave?!" Isn't obvious? I am mad here and you're perfect target to release my rage on you for suggesting me to stay here buddy, besides. What else should I do? Hug you or something that isn't erotic?

"For suggesting me to come over here as I now permanently live here to do Bro's goddamn shenanigans." Before we can do anything intelligent at all, I felt a smack came across my right cheek and shit loads of pain coursing through my brain probably my wiener as well.

Turning around who slapped me, it is no other than Lynn. Who is smiling like a jackass and confused of why I am staring at her.

"Wait? Is this a slapping game that we are doing here or is it actual personal reasons that you're talking about?" Where is her common sense that it's personal and yet at the same ironic because I have no hostile intention fucks towards my buddy John here? I am straighten him out for being an idiot from encouraging the trolls further and heading to the Chris-Chan territory, leading him astray from his homo-path. But I got an important question for him that involves with my well-being.

"Can I crash in your house for a while since Bro is out and our crap wouldn't be here until five days?" Seeing his lips widen in glee…I know I am going to regret this.

* * *

 **Whoops, did I say introduction to the sisters? I meant John.**


	3. Chapter 3: Wrath of Bro

**Part 3 for this story, now Dave met his dear old John at his house and meeting with the other Loud Sisters for a while.**

* * *

Chapter 3: Hanging out in John's house

* * *

[9:00 PM]

Watching one of John's shitty movies of Nicholas Cage, especially Con-Air with the bunny in the box scene that took me every damn time of how fucking stupid this movie really is to John. Lynn and Luan are besides us as we're munching on some popcorn that his dad just popped for us.

" _I said put the Bunny back in the box!"_

That line always gets to me as Lincoln, Lynn, and even I snicker of how fucking cheesy this is. But John taking it way too literal for his own good that it's all too serious for his mind to make up, I mean really, _put the bunny back in the box?_ Who is the guy that wrote this movie again?

After this movie, I think John told us that we're going to watch Vampire's Kiss which is a film that based on how Nicholas Cage goes crazy and being vampire bullshit. By crazy, I mean not acting crazy; I meant actually being bat-shit crazy in this film, although, it is better than Twilight though which Rose is fucking obsessed over it on that horribly made book for pre-teens to jack off to dudes who has severe levels of flamboyant faggotry including the Mary Sue what's her face dating them. As her _'character'_ is really fucking great to introduce to new readers.

For Luan, she seems to be deeply attuned into this crappy film as she's munching on the pop-corn way too much of how dramatic this is. Making me believe that she might be a female clone of John over here as she got so overly fucking excited of the _'conflict'_ that Cage is dealing with. I have a guess that she is an extreme all-out Nicholas Cage fan like my buddy Egbert and I cannot see the difference between those two now. For me and Lynn…in some extend Lincoln, we really don't give a shit about this film of what we're seeing as we are basically bored as fuck.

After a couple of minutes of some guy singing **'he got the whole wide world'** while playing dolls, bunny going to get it cheesiness with a token character getting shot, Nic Cage reach Las Vegas and bad guy got his head crushed. Now we're listening to _How Do I live_ and meeting the kid Casey who is confused as fuck of a random stranger being her dad.

Now that shit fest of a movie is over, I heard John and Luan got all gitty up of how great this film is as we're going to watch a film that revolves around vampires with Nicholas Cage going psycho.

When John placed the disc on the DVD and got back to his cheap, rough ass couch which my own ass is hurting a lot by sitting on this lump of crap. He was about to press play until someone walk up to us.

Turning to the guy who's making the footsteps, it is no other than John's Dad and all of his personal business shit attire as it includes smoking through his O' classic tobacco pipe that is on his mouth. As high chances he might develop lung cancer in the near future and John will be mourning for his lost.

"Oh hey Dad, excuse me…I remembered I need to chat with my dad since he called Lynn's and Luan's sister Lori to pick them up during the night." Hearing the big sad _'ah'_ from those three people I just met couple of hours ago. So why do I even sympathize with them? In which that reminds me-who the fuck is the white haired kid again?

Little do I know, John is getting worked up all of the sudden when he saw his father, and you guessed it, he has a pie under his sleeve which is quite fucking predictable…if that ever makes sense to me of why he uses one of the oldest, pretentious joke clichés to ever be perform again.

In quick-stop reaction, John's daddy throws his piece of shit pie where it might be filled with shaving cream or not. Of what it matters is that John ducked away of the sperm like projectile as it missed its intended target-and it's about to land on me which is really fucking great.

Again, doing the unthinkable which is not, I was now near the T.V set all of the sudden as the spermed up pie missed me.

For the pie of where it landed, it was now sticking on Lynn's face…smattering her with its creamy goodness as it's getting my Virgin in Rage turning me on here, where my hetero and homo urges are starting to mix inside of me and blighting out sexual word salad that no one fucking understands at all.

"Arghh?! What the heck was that for-and how did you do that Dave?! I really want to learn that!" What-oh that one…you need to learn that from my Bro and Bro is a good person. In fact, so much karma good he got there in his soul that he'll show you his collection of fucking puppets as he'll give you good memories of it.

Everything is good of what I've think…and I don't trust them.

"Talk to Bro and you better be prepared for it because nobody will withstand his ironic tendencies. There will be a point that it will become fucking retarded to understand of what the hell he is doing." To clarify of what I meant to her as her face is filled with utmost hope which there will be none to me when she finds out about him, I spoke again. "No seriously, you really shouldn't talk to him at all…trust me, it's really gonna' fuck you up."

"Screw that, I really want to learn on how to do it Dave! So bring up your Bro if you have the chance!" But she has so much fucking DETERMINATION that she really wants to challenge Bro's weeaboo martial arts to endure his bullshit and I have no problem with it.

Still inserting my self-hatred of existing and living with Bro, before John here who can talk to his daddy over at the kitchen, I heard knocking noises coming from the front door and I _wonder_. Who could that be at the door which I don't care at all?

As John's Dad walk up to the door in this dimly lit living room we are in. With popcorn crumbs scatter across the floor where I heard crushing noises by his shoe. John's daddy fling the door open and a massive hoard of girls came out of nowhere, bum rushing towards me in extreme excitement. I wonder why are they so excited about because I am sort of self-entitled douche and being a whiny bitch at the same time to them? Let's find out everybody.

"Lucy told us about a new neighbor who is a boy and hanging out with Lynn?! Like oh my GOSH! That is soooo romantic and this is looks like a double date you guys!" _Like_ who the fuck is this blonde douche and acting like a bimbo simultaneously? Insulting my manly heritage with such sacrilege words that my mind went into unwarranted rage of how she insulted my sexual preference of this scene as if my Social Justice mood go into a full-on retarded frenzy. This is nothing to do with my insecure sexual urges to bang this Jock girl and my black haired nerd besides me. I have no reasons at all.

Also I don't fucking understand of what I am talking about right now. But the blonde chick has to cause me to spas out with my own version of retardation. Speaking of retardation, why do I have a feeling that this girl might have some sort of…mental problem?

You know…I feel this girl somehow related to someone but it's really fucking opposite. But I don't know who exactly?

"I'm offended of what you said as I have the right to bitch about it and I'm a proud fucking homosexual-was it pan-whatever, fuck it, I'm bisexual." I don't understand half of what fucking Tumblr keep spitting out to me. But sure, I'll conform of whatever they say for my own amusement of reading it.

"Wait? So you are into ladies and dudes…literally?!" Oh dear god, did she just fucking bastardized the word literal or she just properly use the damn word? Hope I am not right on the bastardizing the word of the former or else that our society is truly becoming more retarded by the day.

Better hope Lynn is proud of this disgusting moment I have here-and why the fuck she has so many fucking siblings? Is her dad has an undeniable, unsatisfied fetish for girls to get pregnant a lot? I hope it's false because that would be fucked up.

* * *

[Lynn]

"I detect you're using Facebook way too much for my own comfort, so how about you stop right there on my own personal issue as this is giving me this Tumblrite micro-aggression feeling which I don't like, so drop that subject right now bitch." Hearing Dave with a snarky tone in it towards my Sis' Lori which she got slightly annoyed of him as he noticing her…well, her social networking habits and the way she talks as it's pretty much not indefinite to everyone. For John, Luan, and Lincoln, the three are being quiet but I see the jokers are snickering of Dave's throwback while Lincoln starting to cower in fear of Dave's safety.

"What did you say about me and what the heck is a micro-aggression you little twerp-?" Before she can argue of anything with Dave here, I saw Lana and Lola rush up to him and interrupting of what Lori is about to say as the twin shouting in excitement.

"Yo Dave?! Are you actually dating John or is it our sis Lynn?!" "Yeah, are you into girlie stuff as well just like me?" Again, he got more annoyed of them questioning of what his sexuality is. But still kept his stoned face on.

"Goddamn it. I said before, I don't really care. Also to pinkie over there, how about no this time on the frilly faggoty metrosexual fashion thing that you are suggesting-and please restrain yourself on talking to a man who might be fifty percent gay to do your own narcissism urging you to bring up that subject again. Like God Bear and Raptor Jesus smite my ass for being a humongous undecided faggot in the name of the Autistic Man-child Mary Sue." Looking at them with indifference and getting agitated by the twins pestering with Lola looking a little bit piss on Dave's throwback burn on her. It's Luna turn to pester him and starting to question Dave's interest which predictably is music.

I forgot to mention, how is an autistic man-child relates to this?

"Yo little dude! What's your favorite type of musical genre? Mine is rock!" As Luna being Luna brought her guitar with her as she begins to stream her guitar with sick riffs. But Dave here again, being stoic as ever just simply replied of his type of genre.

"Something with electronic and DJ stuff, probably those 16-bit noises or just plain out New-Wave crap if I ever get into it, OR just fuck around and just scratching the damn discs for no apparent reason at all." Wait-so he's into techno or dubstep stuff that to do with synthesize or something like that? That sounds pretty damn cool to me.

Wanting to see Lucy react to this, but knowing Lucy all too well, she isn't really interested on learning about Dave here and his odd personality he has. As she silently read her dark, an edgy poem in her hands, but more importantly, where the heck is Lisa?! I don't see her anywhere in our group? I know Lily isn't here to do obvious reasons but where is Lisa?

"Um guys? Where is Lisa?" Searching around in the room if I can find Lisa anywhere but she isn't here. What happened to her?

"Oh yeah, about her…she's still at the STEM convention and she didn't call us yet. But Dad told me to pick her up just in case. So after this, we head there. So anyways, Luan, Lynn, and Lincoln, get your butt on the car right now." Oh come on Lori! Is it really the time to leave because I still want to know more about this cool dude who is near me!

But Lincoln got very up-tight about it from leaving our old buddy John's house as he wants to be friends with Dave-and he start to complain at Lori with sheer aggression which is a surprise for everyone here since he usually doesn't act that way unless it's really important to him.

"No! I want this moment to be perfect to befriend Dave over there and I just about to watch another terrible film with John and-what the?"

* * *

[Dave]

Oh boy, here comes the white haired kid being all defensive over me and I want to know why he's still obsessed on befriending me. Is it a fake friendship thing he wants to make with me…or something else which both of us agreed on as I don't mind underage Hanky-Panky with this desperate prick-and what with his deal over me anyway?! Is he really that desperate?

Seeing he made some stupid, flamboyant speech he made about me that like I will suck on his Twinkie of how mighty I am and being rather pointless at the same time. I felt something nudge on my shoulder and I turn to see Lil Cal is here watching over this scene. Oh…it just Lil Cal.

Okay, now back of what I am describing. As the white haired kid about to do something intelligent that would loss some of his brain cells and probably would pissing me off at the process-WHAT THE FUCK!?

Oh shit, if Cal is here then Bro is here. That means we are all fucked!

Turning back to the fucking puppet if it is still there along my eyes not deceiving for crap, that little fucker is now gone from my sight which is a bad sign here. As you know what it is going to happen next and it is going to be fucking terrible for everyone who is inside this house. The only one who I know that I lived under is going to wreck some shit of your very own mind.

Knowing Bro, his irony is at a tenfold climax to fuck around with us and probably going ape-shit with his SAW theme bullshit to screw with me as the victims around me is going to be in the crossfire of his ironic mind games. Hope they pray to God because this shit will go down.

After I mentally said that, the lights went off as I can't see jack shit now. Probably Bro cut the power as he is setting up his traps to psychologically fuck with us. By then, I heard something slapped onto something which sounded like paper? Later, a lot of confusion with some hint of fearful gawking of wanting to know of what the hell is going on here as they are in the middle of Bro's petty schemes to screw with me.

"What's going on dude?!"

"This is literally terrifying!"

"Like this isn't good for everyone you know as we can't see right. Right guys?"

"Leni, we already know-and I don't want to bump on anything that would ruin my dress for the pageant!"

"Um Lola…that isn't the right time to think about those girly dresses since I can't see."

"You gotta' _nighty-night_ together, right guys? Ha, ha!"

"Arghh Dave, what's happening in my house?"

"Yeah man, I can't see crap around us and I might break my good sport ankle for my game."

Before I can respond of Bro's presence and start playing his game in-

Three…

Two…

Before I can say one, the lights immediately went up and-FUCK ME IN SIDE WAYS! GODDAMN SMUPPETS?!

Freaking the fuck out of seeing the many penis noses, soft ass multi-color puppets scatter across the room and having their big obnoxious ass smile that I want to decapitate one of those fuckers but I don't have my goddamn shitty sword with me. So I'm pretty much fucked and keep staring at these abhorrent sex creations of God's ass!

Keep your fucking cool Dave, Bro is just completely fucking with you so he can probe my goddamn mind of what I am thinking-and I don't want to let him win over this crap that happens five hundred fucking times already!

Keeping my fucking cool before I can go bleating like a rabid hyper-god tier goat of what's happening here. The others who are in here starting to freak out and concern of why there's a bunch of phallus nose, soft ass puppets everywhere in the house. Also, there's a letter sticking on the Flat Screen T.V with red fake blood written all over it. Which the Crayola written letter speaks many things to me like:

 **HELLO DAVE**

 **WANT TO PLAY A GAME**

 **IF SO, YOU MUST FIND ME OR EVERYONE WILL DIE HERE BY THE SHEER AMOUNTS OF BOOTY TO DO YOUR OWN NEGLECT OF LOOKING OVER YOUR MENTALLY CHALLENGE GUARDIAN**

As I read it, everyone was then shoved with the magical puppet asses onto their faces in a split second and everyone is screaming, muffled out by the magnificent butt-cheeks plundering upon their faces except for me since Bro want to witness this unholy scandalous scene with my very own eyes of how messed up this is for my own stupid, self-entitled innocence be shattered by the so called sacrilege. Well except for the scatterbrain blonde girl who seems to be having a mental disability starting to panic of what's happening around her. I'm going to question Bro of why he is not suffocating her but that's going to spoil the ironic surprise for me.

After getting paraded with highly erotic Bro's puppets and the people around me suffering from lack of oxygen of how really fucking severely straight up dumb this is. I just get up from the rough ass couch and just left as that. Heading to the door where everything is just goddamn irrelevant to me, even everybody around me is choking to death where I should probably scream which is nonexistent.

Opening the door to witness the midnight clear sky and hearing the serenity crickets chirping while the screams of suffocating victims are behind me. I walk out onto the paved cement floor to the rear of the sidewalk. I saw Bro _'was'_ leaning on John's plain, old fashion mailbox. But I see shit loads of flickering going around me which he is saying hi to everyone inside the house of how great his hospitality is and addition to his weeaboo hipster cultural exchange as well of his obnoxious fetish. Showing his pointy ass anime shades, explaining of how culturally correct he is about Japan.

So I guess he's done with his unnecessary hijinks to make people really piss off from him-and I wonder what it is that he did which I'm not saying sarcastically. So we're going to talk something very nonsensical here that's pretty much nothing to do what's happening behind me of the mass suffocation.

"So how's the great Washington of the great Bush state Dave?" Cut that crap Bro, I know what state we are in, it's not Washington, and where you told me of John's location was a lie, this is fucking Maryland.

"No, no…we are in South Carolina, what do you think Bro?" Seeing Bro nodded his head in agreement of my truthful statement of what I have said, he has his own personal thoughts on it. In which ignorance is truth.

"Yeah, we are definitely not in fucking Michigan, I mean who the hell lives there? At least we are not in Minnesota to meet up a really fucking edgy Goth girl-like what? Eight years old? Who has a big fucking monster living under her?" About to further discuss of the state of mind we are in which I am not using a goddamn pun here. The girl who seems to be mentally retarded and one of Lynn's sister came running out from the house as she's sprinting towards us in absolute trepidation. If she is mentally challenged, she would probably be wearing a medallion base on two copyrighted games along being arrogant as hell.

"Guys! Someone help! These puppet creatures came out of nowhere and their butts covering everyone's faces!" Is she being serious or faking it because who would stuff someone's face with puppets that I might not saying sarcastically?

"Come on Bro, they really love to shove their faces onto puppet asses. At least push it harder for them." Having a reverse psychology on him which he one hundred percent acknowledge of what I am thinking here. He decides to drop the act before we can bury someone on the ground.

"Sure, whatever you say Dave. By ass, get your ass on the board now because we have our shit early." Wait, I thought you said our stuff arrives in couple of days, how could-…never mind. What do I keep forgetting that he is the goddamn Bro and know something that I don't know.

"Before you ask. I meet up with the drivers and made a friendly introduction to them, their truck got stolen by bunch of robbers-which I wasn't involved in it at all and certainly wasn't a lone robber doing it." Oh I can imagine it right now and deciphered of what you actually meant.

Also, I think Bro is thinking about it as well.

* * *

 _Near the Gas Station of Flip's, a pair of drivers came out from the truck that contains the Strider furniture and equipment. During 7pm with the sun setting down. The two drivers were holding their red slushes and chatting, sitting down on the pavement. Loitering around and doing nothing particular at all._

" _So how long are we going to reach the owner's house with his huge pile of junk?" Said one trucker who is sipping his slush as he nonchalantly spoke to his fellow co-worker, where they lazily sat on the pavement as they are taking on their break._

" _I don't know, probably few minutes away from here that-who is that in front of us?" As the two drivers spotted someone approaching them, they saw a rather tall person who is wearing a white-collared shirt, a black balaclava covering his entire face including a pointy ass shades and a grey baseball hat. As the stranger approaching them slowly and showing some signs of hostile intent when he is hiding something behind his back._

" _Good evening gentlemen, how about you-GIVE ME THE GODDAMN TRUCK!" Pulling out Lil Cal behind where he too wears a ski-mask but the puppet is holding a Glock 19 in his right hand. Although the two drivers torn between as a joke or he actually meant serious business-_

 _ ***BANG!***_

 _Okay, it wasn't a joke when the puppet pulled the trigger up in the air and the drivers went down on the ground shitting their pants._

" _What in the flippin heck was that-oh crap…well never mind." When the owner heard the gunshot outside of his gas station, he saw a puppet holding a gun and two guys down to the ground with their asses up in the air in absolute trepidation. Knowing too well of what he saw, he immediately locked the door and dialed 911 as Flip duck for cover._

 _But it was too late to call the cops as the robber already hot-wired the truck as the engine came to life. Accidentally putting the shift into reverse, the robber slam the rear of the truck into the front store entrance as the door blasted wide open, demolishing everything around the facility and living out shit loads of a mess scattered around the ground within the rubble._

" _You son of a bit-" Before he can finished the last word of witnessing his ruined gas station, the robber changes the shift to drive and step on the gas paddle hard as he speeds off out to the distance._

* * *

For sure, that's pretty much of what I'm thinking about and Bro's fucking audacity to attack random innocent truckers for his own shit n' giggles.

Before I can leave and not saying goodbye to John as I'm about engulf into our fugly ass house that Bro bought to get under my skin real goddamn hard. I heard everyone inside the house groaning of being shoved with crap tons of puppet asses and the blonde girl over there showing extreme glee that they all survived from Bro's torment.

"Guys! You are all alive!" This girl suddenly become too goddamn cheerful even though her fucking relatives almost suffocated with goddamn puppets and she just all fucking happy go-lucky that nothing has happened at all. She's definitely going to be a victim of Bro's scheme to mess around with her _'tiny'_ mind she has there or more euphemistically retarded: _slow in the mind._

"Leni, yes we are alive. I mean, who the heck shove lewd freaking puppets right up on our faces-and who the heck is that guy?"

* * *

[Lynn]

Acknowledging Leni's well…lack of intelligence of what's actually happening around her, I saw a dude who I saw back at Dave's house where he looks back at us coolly. You know, when I got a better look of him. He looks really sexy hot like Lincoln's sexy English teacher Hugh but really manly along having a chiseled body. Although, there's something…off about this guy that I really shouldn't romanticize him at all and well…you know.

"Oh man, I really want to slap someone's junk right now and open a club near here of this shitty neighborhood-why hello there seemingly mentally challenged minority who might become the victim of the second coming of Chris Chan which I'll prevent the prophecy ever going to happen here where you going to shove a bent duck up your mouth which it will be very horrifying for everyone to watch." That's pretty much describe everything of what I am thinking about him and probably the reason why Dave warn me about his callous yet randomly deviant mindset as he stares at Leni curiously. But I will still challenge him to become a freaking ninja no matter what!

Also, didn't I mention that he said something extremely gay and the prime suspect who might suffocate us of those lewd puppets inside John's house? To clarify what I am feeling here, why the hell he does that to us?!

Looking back at my sisters, they were blushing of how hot this guy is. But I saw through the veil or rather his anime shades that he is not normal. In which it isn't the good kind of not normal and isn't behaving of what a decent human being should do.

As I got the early warning from Dave and put my toes up at high alert as Dave's Bro seems to plot everything 24/7 around us.

"Bah-bah-bah, bah-bah-bah!" As you guessed it, Dave's Bro walks up towards my stun sisters who are in lustful ecstasy because of his extremely handsome appearance just if Hughes came up to us. I am not captured by hot appearance since he's you know…Dave's Bro. But he said something that woke up of their frozen state, forcing them to look at him in the inside.

"So, I see you little kids are into real pedophilia which turns you on ain't it-and I suspect you are cheating aren't you ya' blondie. Somebody quick! Call Chris Hansen so I can drink bleach to avoid dropping the damn soap because of this force pedophilia I'm in without my fucking consent of ripping a four year old china!" As Dave's Bro specially stare at Lori in hostile intent along telling the rest of my sister of their boundaries of what they shouldn't do at all. All of my sisters woke up from their state of ecstasy when he spoke very aggressively yet pragmatically to them. But especially for my sis Lori's case where she was in absolute shock which turns to anger of his outrageous statement of detesting including testing her faithfulness to Bobby.

"What did you said to me you jerk?!" Staring at him ragingly as she immediately forgot about his appearance and confronting with his unpredictable personality of what he really is. As Dave's Bro continue on pressuring Lori's faithfulness in which it got amusing yet slightly depressing.

"Yeah I am a jerkop, I love lolis for no reason, I love to bang unfaithful blonde girls who are easy to get their damn china nether wet-hell no I'm not going to rip your STD vagina; do you kids think I'm that low to fuck a girl who is waaaay under my age and getting raped by all of you? Jesus Christ, what do you think I am? The desperate Elliot Rodger who is the supreme gentlemen? Thinking about him, I think I'm getting arouse for that kid." Who the hell is Elliot Rodger?

* * *

[Dave]

"Call Chris Hansen goddamn it as this will get shit loads of ratings from this! My consent is being violated by unwanted lolis upon my presence and I need to go to prison so my pedosexual thoughts be replace with a lot of man banging in the showers!" Yet again, Bro is being a humongous douche and sarcastically yelling out in the neighborhood where he woke up bunch of neighbors nearby.

So it's best to defuse this right now before someone actually calls the five-0 here when he is ironically being an overactive dick. When I mentioned the overactive word for some retarded reason, I was thinking about beans and I don't know why I feel so ashamed for existing from simply saying that?

"Hey Bro, keep yelling. I think we're attracting attention here and aggravating this underage gap we are in." Looking back at the sisters who are now in full realization of whose Bro and not goggling on Bro's shitty ass appearance any longer to do him complimenting them. I see anger sipping into those girls and I don't know why they are angry at him when he went full-on gay?

As Bro is being a massive douche to them, I heard his rocket board thing came to life as Bro turns his head to me impatiently. So satisfy his complex fucking mind he has, I complied to his ass before the authorities show up before Bro turn into a massive thorn to everyone. To give you a genuine hint, Bro isn't a people type to hang around with and I'm kind of worried for Lynn's own safety of challenging Bro directly, giving a bad case of ownage one-sided beat down.

Getting on the board like a bitch. Bro kicked the board up as the floating piece of crap begins to hover in mid-air as we're lifted up onto the Earth's atmosphere where he heads toward our purchased home of living in this terrible ass suburb with many of its magical wonders for me to suffer from. But hey, at least I can hang out with John and possibly be friends with Lynn's sisters. Maybe it's a good thing I guess? Just pray it doesn't backfire of what've said.

Floating my ass up in the air and seeing everything at the bottom is a fucking ant to my eyes up here. I saw our house and…the two truckers unloading the furniture which means Bro didn't rob them at all of the hypothetical thought I previously made up.

As Bro glided his board down and gently landed on the front yard grass of our new god awful house. Two guys finished unloading the boxes and waving at Bro in sayonara as they're done here where they got on of their truck.

Stepping out from the board and seeing our stuff are inside that damn house. I might as well look inside of what the hell this house looks like since I never walk inside of this boring yet big ass home.

Casually strolling to the door and ignoring Bro behind me doing his own thing that I don't dare to acknowledge what he's even doing. Turning the gold knob, I saw everything is dark until I turn on the light switch besides the door.

Of what've I saw inside…nothing. Just boxes lying around inside this purely white slick living room on the glossed up wooden planks. So it's time to unpack our shit and going through Bro's psychological sessions again. Continue walking, I saw the marbled kitchen which is approximately close to the wide living room as it contain of those pristine white kitchen tiles on the floor.

Also did I mention about the wall in front of me? The wall is full on fucking glass that I can stare at the trimmed ass backyard with a wide blue triangle pool that's surrounded by refined grey cobblestone. Atop of the white-grey ceiling are those jagged, asymmetrical squares and staring at the deformed, curved grey hanging lights. Wondering of why the hell people make those things?

Going pass the kitchen and stop staring of my upper class privilege backyard. I saw a long spiral of white marbled stairs going upwards which leads to the upper floor room of this degenerate house where rich people can jerk off to of how fancy this is. So far of what I'm looking at of what Bro bought. It is equivalent of those shitty modernist abstract style houses which those upper-middle classes jacking off to and my suspicion is almost confirmed of what Bro is up to. In a side reference, this is one of those modernist houses that Rose lives by and I don't know why the hell she likes them? It's really fucking tasteless and way too orderly for me to stomach.

Looking at multi-color abstract paintings that makes my eyes bleed because they are commission to be specifically drawn of those god damn wiener nose smuppets. Now I understand what Bro is up to of buying this pretentious middle class ass house he got.

To make it more ironic, the front appearance of our home looks like one of those generic built old-school houses around this neighborhood where I can easily tolerate to stare at them. But behind, the sides and inside of the house…oh dear fucking god, it's a nightmare to me as its way to preppy to think of while recalling a particular Harry Potter Fanfic that goes by Immortal that involves fighting preps.

It's like we're privilege hipsters jerking off to expensive garbage they bought and ironically thinking of how disgusting this place is-oh wait again where my thoughts stop me of finishing the self-irony I just think up including almost having a self-breakdown over this.

As my mind finished angrily spewing out of what I'm thinking here. I heard loud mechanical stomping behind me and hearing those robo buzzing noises when something move. Did Bro buy some Toys R' us plastic trash to fuck with me-WHAT THE FUCK?!

It wasn't some lego bricks he brought. He actually brought real-life mechanical, human equivalent size robots that resemble to Bro's overactive imagination of Sawtooth and Squarewave that's based on goddamn sound frequency math he always obsessed over. In which he perfectly titled his imaginary friends Anbroids. Where one is short, has squarewave teeth, and wearing a nighties hat that's overly bright red n' blue. Besides it, a tall robot who is covered in a black coat, has jagged teeth, wearing bright ass blue n' red sneakers including a hat which is being covered by its black hoodie.

But where the hell he got them from of what I'm asking?!

"I got these robots from Toys R' us Dave. Isn't it great that I brought you some toys that are selling these guys?" Oh yes I'm fucking proud that you brought them here and I'm sure the FBI aren't bothered of this as well of searching deep within our buttholes. What couldn't go wrong?

* * *

[Lori Loud]

That white haired jerk! Who the heck that guy thinks of himself? Testing my faithfulness to Bobby and thinking we're all sluts?! Nevertheless, that asshole left by his fire-y colored rocket board thing he rides on and I'm really glad he's gone from my sight as I can't bare that asshole, negatively commenting about us which I want to kick him in the nuts so hard!

Driving my car to pick up Lisa while my siblings are behind me, they are still talking about those dicks!

"What a complete jerk! No wonder why the new kid neighbor acts like that to me." Hearing Lola yelling out in frustration, I agree on her part as he insensitively blurts out of my social networking habits.

"Oh come on Lola. I like our new neighbor Dave as he looks really cool!" Hearing Lana liking him which I can't comprehend of why she likes Dave. But I heard Luna and Luan having the same fondness of those assholes called the Striders.

"You are being a bit too harsh on him Lola, Dave seems to be a pretty cool kid to me so far and I might jam with him combining electronica music that might sync with rock, although I don't like his Bro though. In my opinion, he is an asshole."

"Yeah! Dave is sure an ICE guy! Get it, get it because he's cool and he hangs out with my old buddy Egbert!" Arghh! When are we going to stop talking about them? It's giving me a headache here!

* * *

[Lynn]

Wondering of what's inside the Strider's household since everything was dark inside there when their front door suddenly opens up in front of me when I was about to kick Dave's spine. But oh well, if I have time to visit his house. I will challenge his bro to the death in order for me to learn on how the heck they move so fast and get a good look of what their home looks like!

If Dave is into sports, we might play some good ol' football and recruit him on our important game! Backing up for Lincoln yet again since my lil' bro pussied out on the team as they kick the living shit out of him in full on toxicity.

Felt the car stop of its tracks. Of what I saw is a humongous dome convention center where they usual host basketball games or those weird Anime slash Comic conventions where one time I saw Lucy went into one after Lincoln entered.

Never mind of what Lucy is interested into, I saw the front entrance glass windows are shattered all over on the floor and saw bunch of bruised up nerds waddling out from there like someone just beat them up recently. I wonder who do that to them?

They look like they had a really bad time over there and I saw Lisa has one of her glasses lens cracked, her hair scuffled up, her clothing are all loose, saw some cuts or bruised on her face. Lisa looks like a complete train wreck and she looks really, really, REALLY pissed off right now.

"Please open the automobile door. I'm not in a positive mood here!" Sheesh, what happened over there that made her really bite?

Opening the door for Lisa as she hopped in; I want to ask my genius sister of what exactly happened.

"Um Lisa…what exactly happened over there that really mess you up?" Implying her ruff appearance and someone just recently mugged her. Lisa explains to us of what happen to her and the nerds she's always being surrounded by.

"Well some maniac who is wearing impractical polarized optic eastern Asian lenses on his eyes and holding a disturbingly uncanny puppet on his hands. Demanding the robotic blueprints that I apparently _'stolen'_ from him." Impractical what now you said?"

"Impractical what?" Wanting to know what the heck she just said with her fancy language that I have no idea. She just pinched the bridge of her nose of my pure obliviousness of what she's talking about.

"He's wearing pointy anime shades if he's a fan boy of Gurren Lagann that I watch-I mean, heard off of lately." Wearing pointy shades and has a really creepy ass puppet? That sounds a lot like Dave's Bro-

…

…

…

Oh no…

* * *

[Dave]

" **YOU GOTTA RAP!"**

" **TO GOTTA SLEEP!"**

" **YOU NO SLEEP!"**

" **YA'LL FAIL DOG ON THE TEST!"**

Hearing this god forbid rap-bot called squarewave insufferably shouting at me in free-verse rhymes for me to go do sleep right damn now while we're fucking unpacking our things of our new freaking home! Giving me a huge headache right here, right now and I'm not hesitant on decapitating this piece of shit bot that Bro built from scratch!

"Squarewave is right Dave! You know you're going to a brand spanking school and you're going to wake up tired of your new day of school! What's wrong with you? You know you have a bed to sleep on right?" Oh! My Bro is being the ironic joker right here and we didn't set up any bed just yet. But who cares if there's a bed upstairs as I'm currently busy of not attacking this goddamn short, robot that's right up on my face!

" **PEOPLE WILL HUMP YOU FOR BEING TIRED!"**

" **PEOPLE WILL GET TIRED OF HUMPING AS THEY ARE NOT PRODUCTIVE!"**

" **PEOPLE WILL SPREAD HERPES AS THEY ARE TIRED TO LEARN SEX-ED OF NOT TO HUMP ON RANDOM!"**

" **TIRED IS ALSO RHYMES WITH RETARDED!"**

Dear God please! Just shut up already!

* * *

 **Well looks like this chapter is done and giving possible hostility with the Loud House family to do Dave's Bro being a smug mastermind douche he is. The next chapter will be a middle school chapter which will be filled with Middle SChool Drama clichés and oh boy it will be hell n' fun to write it.**

 **Also watching the Snap-Chat credits makes me obnoxiously mad for some reason?**


End file.
